NASA Preparing to Stage Mars Landing

Rumor, Top Secret, Totally Unverified, World

Information we discovered scribbled on the back of a napkin has revealed that NASA are in the early stages of planning a fake Mars landing. If true, this will be the most expensive and elaborate hoax since George Bush fabricated the evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

It appears that NASA have become a lot more technologically advanced since the ‘60s when a bunch of pot smoking hippies constructed the lunar module out of spare parts from old toasters and washing machines. The blueprints reveal that engineers are constructing anti-gravity generators to help accurately simulate the lower gravity on Mars, and building them into the floor of what will be the world’s largest sound stage. Clearly, they do not want to let themselves be bound by the laws of physics to pull of this miraculous feat of human-ingenuity.

And rather than reusing backdrops, as they did for the Moon landing, different scenes will actually be filmed on location in places around the globe that exhibit similar geological features to that found on Mars. From places like the Grand Canyon, to the red dirt of the Australian outback, to caves in Afghanistan made famous by Osama bin Laden.

The writers are also busy trying to find creative ways to keep the audience tuned in for the entire 2 week mission. For example, simulating temporary communication failures the moment before a few major discoveries will create the feeling of suspense, and a romantic subplot could develop between some of the astronauts.

Funding for this “mission” is expected to come from corporate sponsorship resulting in quite a bit of product placement, such as astronauts drinking Budweiser, seeing a McDonalds sign in the background, and the shuttle itself being appropriately painted to look like a giant Mars bar.

Lachlan Hunt @ April 26, 2008