Action News, God To Know, Unverified Comments (0)
…initially designed by one Lord Jay Hova, has been used less and less over the times and is now about to be put out of use. With Heaven being intended as a place for only a few worthy ones, it has become over-populated over the times and hence won’t suffer any more new arrivals nowadays. Apart from that it has become obvious that the number of potential ascendants tends towards zero anyway.
The maintenance costs for the stairway have now become unbearable (since so many climb all the way up, only to be rejected at the gate and forced to descend again). This has lead to the imminent closure of the stairway (according to the Chairman of Edin Inc., Al Mighty I.).
To keep up with the ever increasing numbers of travelers going in the opposite direction, OTIS® (sponsored by an illustrious society with members such as S. Atan, Lu ‘the Snake’ Cifer, D. Ivill and T.H.E. Fallen-Won) now feverishly works on the blueprints for an ‘Escalator To Hell’ (ETH).
We will keep you updated on the progress as soon as our investigators return from their local research mission…
Val Hálla @ May 21, 2008
Rumor, Top Secret, Totally Unverified, World Comments (0)
Information we discovered scribbled on the back of a napkin has revealed that NASA are in the early stages of planning a fake Mars landing. If true, this will be the most expensive and elaborate hoax since George Bush fabricated the evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
It appears that NASA have become a lot more technologically advanced since the ‘60s when a bunch of pot smoking hippies constructed the lunar module out of spare parts from old toasters and washing machines. The blueprints reveal that engineers are constructing anti-gravity generators to help accurately simulate the lower gravity on Mars, and building them into the floor of what will be the world’s largest sound stage. Clearly, they do not want to let themselves be bound by the laws of physics to pull of this miraculous feat of human-ingenuity.
And rather than reusing backdrops, as they did for the Moon landing, different scenes will actually be filmed on location in places around the globe that exhibit similar geological features to that found on Mars. From places like the Grand Canyon, to the red dirt of the Australian outback, to caves in Afghanistan made famous by Osama bin Laden.
The writers are also busy trying to find creative ways to keep the audience tuned in for the entire 2 week mission. For example, simulating temporary communication failures the moment before a few major discoveries will create the feeling of suspense, and a romantic subplot could develop between some of the astronauts.
Funding for this “mission” is expected to come from corporate sponsorship resulting in quite a bit of product placement, such as astronauts drinking Budweiser, seeing a McDonalds sign in the background, and the shuttle itself being appropriately painted to look like a giant Mars bar.
Lachlan Hunt @ April 26, 2008
Breaking News, World Comments (1)
…has fallen over in China.
Reports from both eye-witnesses and police officials unanimously state that ‘it lost balance without application of external force and fell over to the left’. The immediately alarmed Grain-Counters could confirm that ‘not a single grain was spilled and lost - neither during the process nor afterwards’.
Meanwhile the bag has been shifted back into its upright standard position while the Agricultural Committee tries to determine the reasons for the incident and possible measures to be applied in order to prevent such events from happening again in the future.
At the same time a notorious tattler was finally caught and imprisoned in Shouzhou City for ’spilling the beans’.
Val Hálla @ April 24, 2008
Apple, Exclusive, Top Secret Comments (1)
The writing staff of fakerumors.com takes pride in ALWAYS being the first ones to provide our audience with the latest updates on unconfirmed future trends. But even we sometimes are surprised by our own success in creating the most astonishing and truest rumors.
Who would have thought it possible, that a few determined rumor hunters will be able to bypass Apple’s security and gain access to the ‘Vault Of Innovations®’?
Yet our hunters were able to perform exactly THAT feat: for you - our reader!
And our investigators have revealed Apple’s future product strategy! For the Macbook Air was only the first of the new generation of portable notebooks - to be followed soon by the Macbook Fire. And Apple doesn’t stop there - those two are only the beginning of the ‘Elemental Series®’!!!
Knowing that we now posses information vital to Apple’s future survival, we have been granted the exclusive rights to officially announce new Apple-products one hour before Apple does!
So, if you are a Mac - check out fakerumors.com for the latest and up-to-datest news on your favorite gadgets!
Val Hálla @ April 24, 2008